So last week we discussed what non-verbal communication was and how it can alter and affect how we interact with each other. We discussed the impact of it through face to face communication so now we will look at the impact on the technology side, whether that be by phone, video calling or any other form of media.
In part 1, I touched upon phone communication to get you thinking about the differences between verbal and non-verbal communication and to help explain the importance of non-verbal communication even when you cannot see the person. But phone conversations are not now the only form of communication we have that does not happen in person. We have emails, instant messaging, I have one student that has conversations with me based on Memes or GIFs, I respond with words, but theirs is all pictures with sayings. This is not something that we are built to do in away. A lot of what is being said is lost, because a lot of conversations are not meant to happen without expression, tone, or body language, remember only 7% of the words we say is what is communicated.
We now have everything on our phones from emails to WhatsApp to Zoom. When we use our phones to write an email, we can sometimes forget that emails need to be more formal. When we instant message others we tend to use shorted abbreviated text which can lead to confusion and miss-understanding. When it comes to instant messaging we would not sit down and read a message or email on our phone like we would an email on our laptops. I know myself, I am generally in the middle of doing something else at the same time when communicating from my phone. So how much of the message am I actually reading and how much effort am I putting into the response? This has become our way of life now, most young people these days make and develop friendships through social media, they may talk all night on their phones to each other and then not talk at all when they see each other in school. So, how are they developing their non-verbal skills and is it something that we are now losing emphasis for?
When we send a message in electronic form, we will write based on how we are feeling, ten people could read the message and each pick-up something completely different, depending on how they are feeling at that particular time, what is happening in their environment and towards you as a person. I have seen a lot of humorous posts of Facebook of parents making it through lockdown, having zoom meetings in cupboards etc., but the truth of this is real, people are juggling a lot in their environment around them that can impact how they communicate and hear what is being said also. Another factor is how well they know you and know your style of writing is also going to add to how it is read.
I spoke to a student today and this topic came up, I responded to their message after they clarified something with an ‘okay’ and they told me I sounded ‘serious’. When we discussed it, they felt it was because I did not include more words or an emoji. So now emojis are a big part of tone and expression. Tone can be picked up the wrong way, especially if you are responding to a heated email already, using capital letters and bold letters can come across as shouting or as something really important and the use of an emoji can change how a message sounds and feels completely, so not just setting the tone but setting up the whole non-verbal communication. I might add now also that text is still classed as verbal communication as it is the words you are using. Thinking about all of this before you send a message can help you figure out what way it may be received. If it is something important and you are not sure if it will be received the way you intend, I would check it over with someone else, I have done this before and it has helped me realise where I might not sound the way I want too. But, again, this is a lot to take in and comprehend, before even thinking of talking with someone with a different mother tongue language or a different culture.
For me, I know I learn and have learned, so much from the young people I work with about how they communicate online now. It is superficial in some ways, how many likes or views do you have on posts and the loss of physical conversations with peers. We spend more time looking down than looking up or across at each other. I even know myself, if I need to physically write stuff down, I struggle after a while and my hand starts to hurt or I forget everything I learned in school about grammar and punctuation, because we rely on technology to help us, just like I am now. It is becoming harder to reach young people as we rely on physical interactions to support them, but should I conform to their way of communicating and start using social media to communicate? Right now, the thoughts of it are very unnerving but I feel I will look back on this article in even 5 years’ time and laugh at myself for not already doing it. The world is evolving so much and so fast, it is hard to keep up with it all. To think 20 years ago, laptops and mobile phones were not something people owned, and there was no such thing as Wi-Fi, where now we watch television from our phones, and we have everything at our fingertips instantly.
One of the goals that I had set this time last year was to get more familiar and comfortable with communicating via different online platforms, to gain confidence being online. I got to thinking why it is so different from talking and interacting with people face to face, which I am perfectly happy and comfortable doing, this is where my idea for this post had come from. As humans, we are not very good with change, especially ones we do not have time to prepare for and that are out of a comfort zone. I saw a post before that states, outside your comfort zone is where the magic happens, but we do not always push ourselves outside of it. If we know this is where the magic is, what is stopping us, other than ourselves and our fears of the unknown. And along came 2020 that through us all in the deep end. Now is my chance to learn to swim I guess!!!!!
Non-verbal communication is even more important with video calls and can cause issues with non-verbal communication being delivered. Some of the reasons are below;
- You are focused on one or a set amount of people, focused on their upper body and you are looking in a sense directly at the person.
- How the other person holds themselves, engages in the conversation etc. plays a high part in what you pick up. Gestures like nodding are more noticeable.
- If the person is typing or reading something on the computer in front of them it is noticed by the person on the other side.
- Some people, as they are not in physical contact may seem less interested in the conversation or it can be harder to keep them engaged and there may be things going on in their background or in yours that is distracting them.
- On top of that, you have backgrounds that are provided on some of the video calling platforms. Although they are great if you need to hide your background but can be very distracting to the other person especially if you move a lot in your video.
- Bad Wi-Fi connections can interrupt what has been said and give the other person something completely different to what you have actually said.
- Zoom fatigue is real and video calls consume a lot more energy than we realise.
- Only one person can talk at a time.
Mix that with different languages and cultures it can be new levels of difficulties, but then, where does it all fit in. I spoke last week about different groups and what eye contact meant to these groups. Now we are forced to sit and look directly at the person, it can be very uncomfortable at the thoughts of it for some people. They may opt to keep their cameras off, and then it changes the dynamics of the conversation again. Culture could potentially be the main contributing factor to communication challenges. I am not saying that one culture is more challenging when we communicate online in comparison to another, it is a collective of all cultures. Understanding what someone says on video can be taken up wrong as you are focusing more on their words, the tone is going to be different and how they present themselves, for example, they may look more relaxed and uninterest because they are sitting down, but it may not be the case at all. I feel we can be more direct when on video calls rather than we are when we are in person, for example voicing more when you are struggling to hear what someone is saying, which can be picked up in different ways also.
All this means is, during video calls you have to actively make more effort on your non-verbal and sometimes verbal communication. No wonder it is so exhausting! The main thing I have not mentioned yet and one of the most important non-verbal communication tools is remembering to smile. I had a conversation with a friend the other day and it was based around smiling behind a mask and how it is still important, no we can’t see the other person’s mouth but we can still tell from there body language and eyes even that they are smiling. The most important thing to take from this is no matter what the language, no matter what the form of communication or the culture, non-verbal communication is still there. You may need to tweak it a little for the environment and know what platforms are best to communicate with certain people from different places or ages. Always be mindful that you speak more from your non-verbal and what you do not actually say whether you are online, in person, on the phone or on social media. But then the question is how much are we losing and gaining from communicating through technology!?
