This post will somehow depend on where you are in the world and it is also not a rant, but something that I feel needs to be brought to our attention. From my experience living across three different continents and mixing with many amazing and inspiring women from all over the world, I can still see the underlying pressure women and society put onto themselves. Even when researching this, I got loads of articles about the stresses to have it all as a thirty-something year old and how to cope with your thirties, and surprisingly the majority of the articles were about the pressures to settle down, marry and have kids.
Some of my friends laugh when I tell them the number of times I get questioned by parents and other people who I interact with as to why I do not have children yet. Their response being, “But you are still young!” However, in many countries, I am not. It is seen and it should not be, but something very acceptable to say to people. Not people, but women. Now, please correct me if I am wrong, but this is not a remark I have ever witnessed being said to a man. I know men do not have the same time restrictions as women but why is the importance and emphasis put onto women?
Years ago, I had seen an interesting post explaining different women’s situations in relation to kids. Some not being able to have children; physically or financially, some having many children and struggling, some wanting more, some who really want to have children but for whatever reason, they have not been lucky, some not wanting to have children, but in this all, the emphasis is on the woman.
In today’s world, we are a lot more fast-moving than we were before. Women are using their skills within the workplace, building successful careers, and paving a way for themselves, having kids, or not. I had a conversation with a friend of mine years ago who was looking for love. They had just been on a date with someone that they had just met. They were in their mid-30s at the time; one of the first things their date said to them was, “Well I guess you are looking to settle down and have kids.” So even in the dating world, 30 plus females are put in a different category, as this is all that a female of a particular age thinks about. And this is just where it starts!
Still, today in 2020, women fight for equal wages to men for the same job. Along with that, they are sometimes seen as less favourable for promotions because of their age and the risk of them taking time off for having children. We are teaching women how important education, career, individuality, and being independent is. But they have to work even harder to just be seen as potentially on a similar level to a man that may not be as experienced as them, while apparently always thinking about babies!
I am not going to get into the hormones side of it but, I will add it in as a note; females being emotional can be seen as a weakness when it is really an expression of their emotions or the added stress they have put on themselves to be the best. Men and women are different, that is very clear. The gap, however, when it comes to different life struggles, even though we are evolving in so many ways, is still there. Now, this is not the man’s fault in ways. I remember when I worked as a care assistant, talking with a male nurse, he explained to me the reason he went into nursing was because, there weren’t many men in the job and he wanted to stand out. I am not sure a lot of women would feel this confident or be as accepted if they were to do the same in a more ‘male-dominated’ profession.
Women put these pressures on themselves, feeling they have to have a top career, have so many children, have the perfect household, their own home, and so on by a certain age. So women are still expecting themselves to do the housewife job and have a successful career, or give up their career and take on the role of mother. Then there is the guilt I see so many mothers put onto themselves when they decide to continue with their career and be a mother at the same time. And what about the women who decide that their career is their achievement and goal in life and a family is not their priority for whatever reason they want? Saying all this, growing up I had always expected myself to finish university, get a good job, buy a house, settle down, and have children. As I reached my twenties I realised there were other things I also wanted to achieve in my life before deciding if I wanted this or not.
Another sentence that came up while I was researching was about mid-life crisis’ of a thirty-year-old, them wanting a sense of purpose in life. So, have we made ourselves believe that without children we do not always have that sense of purpose? I can go on and on about this topic, but I would miss the point of this post.
It is about the added pressure, us as women, put on ourselves on top of what is already a struggle from the outside world. The world is changing and quickly. Women are deciding that they want to focus on their career, their family, or both; each of which is okay.
The next pressure put upon us is social media. Having it all while doing an ultimate work out and baking cookies, is basically what a lot of posts are saying. There is a lot behind a picture. There is a saying that ‘a picture paints a thousand words’, but we do not look at the picture anymore. Just the likes and the surface level of the photo, i.e. what we think we want to see. All this has fuelled our need and desire to be wanted and accepted by how we appear on an Instagram post. Social media is great in many many ways, but none of us are prepared for the impact it has on us.
With all these grown concerns and stressors it brings about a lot of uncertainty for women. In our thirties, I guess, is when we start questioning our choices in life and really focus on what will come in the future. It is no wonder and thankfully for me, that life coaching, something we had never really heard of 10 years ago, is becoming a massive hit and sought after support. A coach can help you unscramble your thoughts and map them out to the way you want to map them and give you a clearer view of you and where you are going, which I think is a struggle some women are having these days.
This can be the same for women in their twenties or older than thirties. I am just basing it around where I am in my life right now. IF you take anything away from this let it be to live your best life and no one else’s idea of your best life, enjoy the ups and downs, eat cake when you want to and remember that everyone else is fighting a battle we do not know and see. So be kind to yourself and others. Never presume or judge someone else’s journey just because it is different from yours.
