We all go through many different relationships within our lives, whether it is with partners, family, friends, work, sports, ourselves or the one that is always there consistently, which is food. We can have unhealthy and healthy relationships with food, and this can change at different times. Also, it doesn’t matter if you eat healthily or not, you could have either relationship.
I thought it was a good idea for myself to spend some time especially now as we live in a more restricted world focusing on this topic and getting a better understanding of it myself. I would believe that I eat healthy enough; I love cooking and trying new foods. I am a diabetic so I don’t like overly sweet things although I did develop a sweeter tooth when I was diagnosed in 2000, which we will come back to that later on. I would not be a big fan of fried food, but I still have an unstable relationship with food. In some ways, I believe my diabetes has enabled this more. So, what causes our relationships with food to be as they are?
There can be many reasons, it can be related to psychological memories you are not even aware of. Growing up I was the youngest of 6 kids, during a recession in Ireland. I remember going shopping with my mum and older sister, and how my mother would feel sad for not being able to get us the foods we wanted. And having to take items out at the till, as she didn’t have enough money with her for everything. I do also remember our treats being on special occasions and generally homemade and maybe this is where my love of baking has come from. I feel these memories of struggling have been imprinted in my head and I am lucky to say I always have plenty of food in my house, just in case, but has this been an imprint from childhood memories? Now my parents looked after us all well and we always had food, just not always the nice things like pizza or sweets, but we never went hungry.
As a teenage diabetic, keeping myself on a strict food schedule brought about a new relationship with food. It got to a point where I would not go out with my friends for dinners as it would be too early or too late for me to take my insulin and I didn’t want to ask my parents for money. I am very glad that I changed my insulin as I got older and it left it more flexible with timings but some of these thoughts come every now and again. But some of the same patterns, behaviours and thoughts stuck. For example, if I really wanted something nice it was best to have it after a big meal as it takes longer to break down, having to eat when I wasn’t hungry because it was time to eat. These developed in me a desire to have something nice all the time after I had a big meal and also not knowing when to stop eating even though I was full, I would always finish my meal.
Another thing coming from this, I also developed an issue with people seeing me eat and judging how I eat. I am not sure where this came from but it is another factor that influenced my relationship with food. Like my story above, this can also have another impact on the way you eat. It can cause you to develop restrictions on the amount of food you eat, to control how and when you eat, eat too much, or even develop eating disorders.
Okay, back to unfolding the relationship we develop with food. You may not identify with anything I have said above, but you can for sure say you have a relationship with food. It is impossible to not. Food is connected to giving you energy, being a focus at events, part of religious gatherings gives us comfort. Advertisements entice us to want certain things, flavourings and colourings, which make us crave foods more. Our hormones and lack of certain nutrients also make us want food. I never had a sweet tooth; I preferred salty snacks like crisps, got told I have diabetes and suddenly I liked everything. You tell someone that they cannot have something, it is on their mind all the time.
How do we then develop a healthy relationship with food then?
They say it takes 21 days to form a habit, but it can really take anything from 18 days to 365 days, actually averaging at 66 days. It can depend on the person and the habit you are trying to change. Drinking one more glass of water a day may only take 18 days for it to become a habit, whereas working out for 30 minutes every morning may take 66 days or longer. The most important thing to do is not to give up. If you really want to achieve this use this as your motivation and set yourself a realistic target date.
It is all about small steps we can take for example knowing the difference between a snack and a treat. You can and should have snacks each day so that there aren’t large gaps in between your meals. Snacks include dried fruits, nuts, seeds, raw vegetables and so on. Where treats should only be eaten occasionally, this includes sweets, chocolate, cake, all the nice things for most. The pyramid below shows us the portions of each we should have.
- Something in the busy world we all live in is that we don’t always sit and enjoy our meals. Introducing mindful eating to our way of eating can help us understand how our body responds with food.
- Learn to listen to your body, and how it is when you are hungry, and let it experience being hungry. I know I haven’t got to this point in a long time.
- Another one that I also struggle with, is moderation. If we properly proportion our meals, it will help build up an appreciation of what we are eating and train our bodies that we may not need all we had been giving ourselves or that we may need more. Get comfortable feeling uncomfortable.
- One thing that works for me is to avoid having nice things in my house. I’m the kind of person, who, if I have sweets at home will have it on my mind until they’re gone. I have to physically go and get something from the shops if I want something which can sometimes stop me from having a treat that I didn’t need in the first place.
- I know I have mentioned it before but eating regularly and consistently can help stabile your blood sugars. Yes, you don’t need to be a diabetic to have dips in your blood sugars. When I have a low blood sugar, I get hungry, agitated, and I crave salty and sugary foods, it is the same for anyone, it is just more notable in a diabetic.
- With this, stick to an 80/20 rule, write down what you eat and if it is 80% positive from the pyramid above and 20% not so good then you are on track.
- Normalise the how and why you feel the way you do with food. Write about your feelings after two different days, one when you ate well and one you didn’t. What are the differences between both days, how do you feel and why?
- I disagree with Fad diets and the latest trends as they don’t support our relationship with foods. That is my opinion though and you may think differently.
- Give yourself permission to get it wrong or have something nice, don’t class it as a cheat day as then there is something wrong you have done. You want to have pizza, give yourself permission to do so.
- Drink more water.
Okay, I am sure you have attempted most of the above and still wonder about why you feel the way you do with food. Food gives us positive pleasure. It can be a comfort to us. Food is emotional, whether that is happy or sad, it supports how we feel. Our cravings for certain foods can tell us that we are lacking in some nutrients or that we are dehydrated. Food can support our mental well-being or be linked to it, such as eating more because it helps your anxiety or depression, or because you are tired. It is important to recognise if you have an unmanageable relationship with food that is affecting your daily life that you seek help from a professional.
But let us all take the first step to create a place where we love, appreciate and understand our relationship with food. Food is amazing, our body breaks it down to support our growth and give us energy, and it tastes so good. At present, it is hard to work on it as we are restricted in certain ways, no matter where you are in the world. But research foods that enable you and your own personal well-being and create a realistic plan to make you fall in love with food. If cauliflower can be pizza, you my friend, can be and achieve anything you want.
