Tag: support

General Well-being

Saying ‘No’!!!

denise

It is one of the simplest words to grasp and say. It is one of the top words that babies first learn and understand. However, it is two letters that a lot of people struggle to use or potentially struggle to hear when it does not suit what they want.

I believe from a young age we learn to see ‘no’ as something negative, so in ways, we avoid using it as we see it as something wrong. I have seen so many articles about how learning to say no can improve your life but yet it is a simple thing that we still struggle to use or say.

For sure it is something I am not very good at but then I will have some people say I find it easy to say to them. I wonder why we find it easy in one situation and not the same in another. I think it can boil down to impressions and how we want others to see us. It is not always conscious but more in our subconscious. It can also be a learned behaviour from years of what can be seen as doing the right thing and being accommodating.

That brings another aspect of saying no, when is it seen as being assertive and respectful of yourself and when is it seen as being rude. I guess this will also depend on the person saying no and the other person on the receiving end.

Why saying no is so important for your own health and well-being.

  • You respect yourself and your time more
  • Others are not expectant on you to always support
  • Helps maintain and keep the focus on your priorities
  • You can feel more confident
  • Better self-esteem

Negatives to not saying no

  • Exhaustion
  • Irritability
  • Lack of focus
  • Burnout
  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • Missing out on important events or occasions
  • Guilt – it goes with saying no also

How to start saying no

  • Start with yourself, by practicing telling yourself ‘no’ to things or even in front of the mirror
  • Think of Beyonce and here channeling her alter-ego Sasha when on stage, do this for yourself too and believe you are someone else while you build your own confidence
  • Don’t answer straight away, take a moment to listen to what is being asked of you, and filter out what is beneficial for you or solely for the other person
  • Praise yourself and acknowledge when you have said ‘no’
  • Learn and understand what your boundaries are and when you need to say no
  • Be selfish, learn saying no is okay and it is okay to think about yourself
  • Ask the person back the question, see what happens if you ask them to do it and how this then sits with you
  • Value yourself
  • Do not explain why you are saying no, just keep it simple
  • When able to, say, I will think about it and get back to you, we do not always have to answer straight away, then you can go away and see if it is something that you need to do or not
  • Be true to yourself
  • Spending time with yourself can also help as it can help you build your resilience

One thing that the last six months have shown me, we do not always need to be available for everyone. We also are not needed as much as we sometimes think we are by others (I mean this in a good way). People become reliant on each other when this reliance is allowed to be there, take it away and both will learn to cope in different ways without it. Being able to say no is a learning process, there will be good days and bad days, do not let the bad days hold you back. Give these tips a go and add some of your own and see what difference saying ‘no’ can have on your life. 😊

Parenting

Coping with school and the changes

denise

We are 4 weeks into Term 1 of the academic year 2020-2021 and we have had a year like no other. Overnight we have had to adjust and then readjust again everything that we do and Term 1 has brought about another level of readjustments. Looking back at March of this year, we did not expect to still be in the situation that we are in, but we have managed to grow with what has been happening, to our best abilities.

When we closed schools, we told young people that it was because of the virus and to keep us safe, we were all to stay at home. Now even with the cases higher again we have returned to school but with precautions in place. The KHDA, DHA, and MOE have all been looking closely at schools and how they are providing care and support for students to make schools as safe as they can be. We also know a lot more about the virus now as compared to before.

I do not know all the ins and outs of what happens and how; there are other people who work specifically in this area that would know better than me. This post is about what I do know and understand to my best abilities and how to support your own well-being and that of others around you, including your children, at this time.

Some of the precautions or procedures included all staff getting tested before students returned, different entry/exit gates and times for students to avoid congestion, temperature checks every morning, a specific isolation room with a nurse to support students who have a high temperature, grade bubbles, and seating charts so students are in less contact with others and so on. There is a lot more, but we will not get into them all today.

With these procedures, what also comes into play is if there is a student who has tested positive. The reason for smaller groups and bubbles is to limit students’ contact with others and to know quickly and easily which students have been in close contact with each other. It is a lot of planning and effort on the school’s part and very stressful for parents and students as well.

Parents must now leave their children at the gate where they must get temperature checked, wear a mask, keep their distance from others, and so on. Parents are missing out also on the social aspect of meeting with the teachers and other parents in the morning, even if it was a simple ‘Hello, how are you?’. It is challenging to not have this anymore. For parents who are at home, all of this can be more isolating and adding on extra stress if another student in the school or even your child’s class tests positive.

Most parents will forget or not even think about how they are feeling, focusing just on their child and how they are feeling and coping with everything.

Here are some tips on how to help support you and your child with the changing situation.

  • Talk to your child and let them open up and express their worries and concerns. You may be worried about them, while they are managing their feelings and emotions effectively
  • Focus time on your own mental health and wellbeing as a parent. Imagine yourself as a jug of water; if you keep giving everything you can and filling others cups you will eventually run out of water
  • This is also important as children can’t regulate their own feelings and emotions, so, are reliant on us to support them with this
  • If something is genuinely concerning you reach out to the school, be it the counsellor or a member of the senior leadership team. The problem with anxious feelings is that it builds things up in our heads and can make something seem worse than it is and there may be an explainable reason for whatever your concern is
  • Have a conversation with your children about why things are happening and how they can help themselves
  • Help them understand it is not always someone’s fault that they test positive. It can be for different reasons, but we can do our best to protect ourselves.
  • Talk about how this person who is sick might be feeling physically and emotionally, that they will need you to be kind to them now and when they return to school, and not exclude them. If they are back at school they are well enough to be there.
  • Eat healthy, not just your kids, but you too. Make sure you have enough food to sustain your body. It is coming into flu season and so our body needs everything it can get that is good.
  • Have an outside of school routine. This can include going for a walk on the beach after school, having ice cream on a Tuesday or whatever you see fit for your family, but make some time for fun quality time together
  • Stay connected with others. I attend supervision with other counsellors and the best thing I get from this is, not feeling like I am the only one going through situations.
  • However, saying that, WhatsApp groups are not always helpful. So, putting some on silent may be more beneficial
  • Do not get consumed by the news and don’t share more than your children need to know
  • Be understanding to the teachers and the school. No one really knows what might happen tomorrow or how we even got to where we are today; everyone is doing their best.
  • Get enough sleep, which is so important.
  • Talk to your children each day about something you are grateful for and ask them to share also
  • It is hard to see and believe it but this will not last forever, we need to support each other
  • Recognise when it is getting too much and you may need some extra help and support for you and/or your child
  • Reach out to the school counsellor if you have any questions or concerns. With the changes, they are not able to be as active around the school as normal and so need your help as well
  • Finally, keep doing your best.
General Well-being, Parenting, Uncategorized

Being Aunt!

denise

To celebrate World Aunt Day on the 26th July, which I just found out is a thing, I am going to take a new direction with my post today. I get told a lot what a great mother I would be, as I am such a good aunt to my nieces and nephews. But being an aunt and being a mother are two very different things. Yes, there are some similarities but at the end of the day, an aunt is only a part-time/when it suits them kind of parent.

Continue reading “Being Aunt!” →
General Well-being

My coaching journey so far!

denise

Nowadays, coaching is becoming a big thing; there are so many courses, so many different types and so many people offering to coach. But what is it and why should it be something that everyone should consider?

SkillsYouNeed explains coaching as a “process that aims to improve performance and focuses on the ‘here and now’ rather than on the distant past or future”. They also explain that coaches are not always experts but are “a facilitator of learning” for the coachee.

Continue reading “My coaching journey so far!” →
General Well-being, Mental Health, Uncategorized

Sure, we are all in this together!

denise

In the midst of COVID-19, we are seeing everywhere that we are in this together and yes we are all in this world epidemic together, living every aspect of it, together. But really we are, each, living it, very, very differently. When I decided I wanted to write a post about the new norms of social distancing and isolation that we are experiencing at the moment, I had thought about writing about the different groups in isolation, single, with a partner, as a family, elderly, and single parents. The more I looked into different articles about this topic, I realised that there is so many more, and I am probably only taking in some of them.

Continue reading “Sure, we are all in this together!” →