Tag: self-care

It is one of the simplest words to grasp and say. It is one of the top words that babies first learn and understand. However, it is two letters that a lot of people struggle to use or potentially struggle to hear when it does not suit what they want.

I believe from a young age we learn to see ‘no’ as something negative, so in ways, we avoid using it as we see it as something wrong. I have seen so many articles about how learning to say no can improve your life but yet it is a simple thing that we still struggle to use or say.

For sure it is something I am not very good at but then I will have some people say I find it easy to say to them. I wonder why we find it easy in one situation and not the same in another. I think it can boil down to impressions and how we want others to see us. It is not always conscious but more in our subconscious. It can also be a learned behaviour from years of what can be seen as doing the right thing and being accommodating.

That brings another aspect of saying no, when is it seen as being assertive and respectful of yourself and when is it seen as being rude. I guess this will also depend on the person saying no and the other person on the receiving end.

Why saying no is so important for your own health and well-being.

• You respect yourself and your time more
• Others are not expectant on you to always support
• Helps maintain and keep the focus on your priorities
• You can feel more confident
• Better self-esteem

Negatives to not saying no

• Exhaustion
• Irritability
• Lack of focus
• Burnout
• Stress
• Anxiety
• Missing out on important events or occasions
• Guilt – it goes with saying no also

How to start saying no

• Start with yourself, by practicing telling yourself ‘no’ to things or even in front of the mirror
• Think of Beyonce and here channeling her alter-ego Sasha when on stage, do this for yourself too and believe you are someone else while you build your own confidence
• Don’t answer straight away, take a moment to listen to what is being asked of you, and filter out what is beneficial for you or solely for the other person
• Praise yourself and acknowledge when you have said ‘no’
• Learn and understand what your boundaries are and when you need to say no
• Be selfish, learn saying no is okay and it is okay to think about yourself
• Ask the person back the question, see what happens if you ask them to do it and how this then sits with you
• Value yourself
• Do not explain why you are saying no, just keep it simple
• When able to, say, I will think about it and get back to you, we do not always have to answer straight away, then you can go away and see if it is something that you need to do or not
• Be true to yourself
• Spending time with yourself can also help as it can help you build your resilience

One thing that the last six months have shown me, we do not always need to be available for everyone. We also are not needed as much as we sometimes think we are by others (I mean this in a good way). People become reliant on each other when this reliance is allowed to be there, take it away and both will learn to cope in different ways without it. Being able to say no is a learning process, there will be good days and bad days, do not let the bad days hold you back. Give these tips a go and add some of your own and see what difference saying ‘no’ can have on your life. 😊