I am sure this is a term that you have heard or used yourself at some point in your life. What was your first thought when you read the title? The first thought most people would have is either second chance in life or second chance in love. Second chances are so much more though. For today however, I am not going to focus on the reasons why people might not deserve second chances. Each case and person are individual. I want to give you my insight and then it is for you to decide, especially if you are debating, if someone deserves a second chance or not.
You will see posts about how ‘everyone deserves a second chance’ and most people will have asked for a second chance in some shape or form in life. You may also require a second chance in your life due to someone else’s error. I do wonder why it is second chances and not many more. As a child learns to walk, not many will just walk without falling over many times. Not everyone will succeed in school the first time or get the job they want the first time. I have had my fair share of ‘let’s give this a go again’, I can’t even remember them all, the main ones that come to mind are; passing my driving test, my law exam in my second year of university, emigrating to another country, and of course love. The thing is when we give something a go again, we are not the same person that we were the first time around. We can see it all differently, which can make things clearer or we may realise that we have not given it our all the first time around!
There is another saying, ‘fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me’. What is missed in this is, the people who may be fooled twice by something or someone are the stronger people with the big hearts that have belief in others and everything, and believe that they need to give something all that they can before they walk away fully from whatever it is.
Yesterday, I decided to write a different post, which will have its second chance another day. I picked up a book I had from Brené Brown, to seek some inspiration. I am not a great reader, and I’ve had this book for about 2 years. I have got some great perspectives from this book.
One of them being that ‘everyone is doing their best’. It is a hard concept to grasp, which Brené discussed her struggles with this in the book. But, that one line has made me look at situations and people very differently. Yes, people may not be doing their best to your standards, but they are doing the best they can for whatever reason. It does not mean what someone is doing is the right thing, but the way I see it, I do not need to take it on as mine. An example of this, I was queuing to pay for my shopping the other day, a woman cuts in front of me and joins the que. She looks back and clearly sees me there. In my head I do say she is rude and I could interrupt her and tell her to go behind me and spend the rest of the afternoon annoyed at this woman, but for whatever reason she needed to do what she did I don’t need it to take time or space in my head. So, I didn’t and said nothing. She turned around just before she put her stuff on the counter and thanked me. I still could be annoyed at this but why let it take up my space, she is doing her best. This is a very simple example, but trust me you will notice a difference if you think of the concept that everyone is doing their best.
My main reason for bringing this book up, is that I realised I had not actually finished reading it. For whatever reason I needed to now give this book a second chance, so I spent the rest of the day reading the end of the book, and got even more from it as I was now looking at what it was telling me differently. Every new chance makes me learn and appreciate more about myself and things I can do differently in my life. I am not perfect, and I learn so much everyday from others.
I have a lot I live by that not everyone will feel the same about or agree with and that is okay. One that is also mentioned in this book was about regret “To live without regret is to believe you have nothing to learn, no amends to make, and no opportunity to be braver with your life”. I don’t live my life with regrets, I will question some actions I take and I make many mistakes, too many to even start talking about them now, but I do not regret any of them because it has led me to who I am and where I am today. I am still learning but I do not need to regret my actions or the people I meet to learn and grow.
I have a lot of captions and sayings in today’s post, but I do promise they all link up. If you happened to see my last post on breaking up with a friend you would have seen a poem called a season, a reason, or a lifetime. It talks about why people come into your life. It may be to teach you something, to help you grow or lifelong lessons to help you in other relationships and life. With this, I do not believe we meet anyone by chance, it can be a person in the street that smiles at you when you feel invisible, or the friend that you never see but knows is always there when you need someone.
I have worked with young offenders, who have told me that they were thankful to go to prison so that they could eventually have a second chance at education and do something positive with their life. I have worked with families who are praying for a second chance to build a home. I have worked with adults after working for many years in the same job, deciding to take a second chance with life and go for their dream career. Every day is a second chance to do something different from the day before and/or to leave a day behind you. A second chance for someone may be even saying goodbye.
The point that I am trying to get to is, second chances need to be weighed up. How much hurt and pain was caused in whatever round one was? Have you been able to heal and grow from it? Do you see giving whatever it is a go again can potentially add value to you or your life? Are you prepared if it does not work, to hold your head up high and take your learning? Deep down we all know how many chances, whether that be the first, second or fiftieth, we should take and why. No one else is living your life and will know exactly what you need. You deserve to give yourself the chance of happiness, no matter what that is.
