Today I sat and started 3 different posts. I went back and forth from each, liking one topic better than the other, not being able to think about what to write, and so on. I decided to look at a list that I created a while back when I had thought about putting more structure to my posts. I realised, like today, that my mind directs me in a way to what I should write about next. So, I went to my list and this title popped out at me straight away and here I am now, writing about it.
Something I heard earlier can link in with this and it was not to trust yourself until you know yourself. Self-awareness is so important, knowing who you are, and spending time with yourself is not just important but is vital. Although we tend to forget about the loving ourselves part, I have heard people say before how can someone love me if I cannot even love myself. I agree in a way, others can love you but if you do not love yourself it is harder to accept this love.
What does it take though to love yourself? We are hypocritical, we tell people to love themselves but if you see a confident woman, for example, all dressed up and standing proud we remark, “Wow, she loves herself” as if it is a bad thing. Next time, tell them well done. It will change things for you and them, the change will be the belief in others and yourself and it will help change our mindsets around confidence.
So, let us talk about how to actually love yourself and start really living the life you should.
- As mentioned above, spend time getting to know yourself. You can do this in many ways; by counselling, with a coach, journaling, and spending time by yourself with no major distractions.
- Feel and get to understand your feelings
- Being true to yourself. This may come with point one but it is important to mention on its own also. Being true to yourself is not just knowing your values and beliefs it is about living them and deeply understanding them.
- Spend time figuring out where it started that you stopped loving yourself as much as you should and work on the why.
- Understanding where you fit in your world and where you want to be
- Stop comparing yourself to others. No two people are the same or meant to be the same. If we all turned up to dinner with cabbage, it would not make a good dinner
- Practice gratitude. Wake up every day or before you go to bed and tell yourself 3 things you are grateful for that day/night. If you are feeling up to it, write someone a letter telling them why you are grateful for them and give it to them, and do not wait for them to respond to what you wrote.
- Remember what is fun and do it. I could give you a list of things to do, I could tell you to get outdoors and be in nature, which is really beneficial to most. But not if you are allergic to pollen or not an outdoors person. You need to remember and find your own fun.
- Find out what your main strengths are and build on them
- Find ways to build your confidence
- Talk to yourself every day in the mirror and tell yourself what is good about you. Only positive, no negative allowed
- Acceptance of who you are and who others are. We are all doing our best and more importantly accept love and compliments from others
- Declutter; your wardrobe, your life, the people who are bringing you down
- Be kind to yourself both physically and mentally
- Give yourself a fighting chance. Exercise and diet, whatever they both need in your life make sure they are doing okay
- Practice mindfulness, whatever mindful activity works for you, this could be colouring in, baking, meditation, mindful breathing exercises, the list goes one
- Allow cheat or off days. All emotions are okay and if part of loving yourself is eating better and there is a day you need a block of chocolate to get through, this is okay. Tomorrow is a new day
- Share and ask for support. People see us differently than we see ourselves, generally more positive. Share your quest with someone you can trust and ask them their thoughts
- Be honest with yourself and allow yourself to be positive, kind, boastful, and proud of yourself
- It will take time, allow the process to flow
It is something we ALL struggle with, no matter how pretty or successful we are. We are our own worst enemies when we should be our very own cheerleading champions. I don’t feel we will ever reach a point where we are one hundred percent content or happy with ourselves, but that is the beauty of being human. We do not have to be. We are growing and learning more about ourselves, the world, and our place in the world each day. Loving ourselves a little more than we did before may not make the world a brighter place, but it does make tackling it and building ourselves a happier place a bit easier.
