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General Well-being

If you knew how your life was going to be would you do anything differently?

If your life were a storybook and you had a sneak peek at the ending and knew what was going to happen, would this alter how you do everything now?

Would it make you change the way you do things? Would it make you alter what could happen? Would it make you more relaxed or would it make you more anxious?

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General Well-being

Making note of small achievements

Achievement is defined as a thing done successfully with skill, effort, or courage. Success is the accomplishment of a goal. Courage is the strength to do something in the face of pain. I believe achievement is so much more courage than anything else. When we think of achievements, it is generally the big wins like achieving your University degree, achieving that promotion, your driving license, and so on. But why do we not put as much focus on the small achievements? For some people today that might be getting out of bed, showering, or picking up their phone to read this. For some people that takes more courage than it does for the person who went for a promotion in the job that they are successful in.

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General Well-being

The secret/not so secret pressures of a 30 something-year-old woman

This post will somehow depend on where you are in the world and it is also not a rant, but something that I feel needs to be brought to our attention. From my experience living across three different continents and mixing with many amazing and inspiring women from all over the world, I can still see the underlying pressure women and society put onto themselves. Even when researching this, I got loads of articles about the stresses to have it all as a thirty-something year old and how to cope with your thirties, and surprisingly the majority of the articles were about the pressures to settle down, marry and have kids.

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General Well-being

Plan B!

If 2020 has taught us anything, and if it is something you have not considered yet, it is that nothing always goes according to plan. This year many of us have seen others, if not gone through it ourselves, losing jobs, businesses, wages, connections with others, dreams, holidays, loved ones, and much more.

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General Well-being

Saying ‘No’!!!

It is one of the simplest words to grasp and say. It is one of the top words that babies first learn and understand. However, it is two letters that a lot of people struggle to use or potentially struggle to hear when it does not suit what they want.

I believe from a young age we learn to see ‘no’ as something negative, so in ways, we avoid using it as we see it as something wrong. I have seen so many articles about how learning to say no can improve your life but yet it is a simple thing that we still struggle to use or say.

For sure it is something I am not very good at but then I will have some people say I find it easy to say to them. I wonder why we find it easy in one situation and not the same in another. I think it can boil down to impressions and how we want others to see us. It is not always conscious but more in our subconscious. It can also be a learned behaviour from years of what can be seen as doing the right thing and being accommodating.

That brings another aspect of saying no, when is it seen as being assertive and respectful of yourself and when is it seen as being rude. I guess this will also depend on the person saying no and the other person on the receiving end.

Why saying no is so important for your own health and well-being.

  • You respect yourself and your time more
  • Others are not expectant on you to always support
  • Helps maintain and keep the focus on your priorities
  • You can feel more confident
  • Better self-esteem

Negatives to not saying no

  • Exhaustion
  • Irritability
  • Lack of focus
  • Burnout
  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • Missing out on important events or occasions
  • Guilt – it goes with saying no also

How to start saying no

  • Start with yourself, by practicing telling yourself ‘no’ to things or even in front of the mirror
  • Think of Beyonce and here channeling her alter-ego Sasha when on stage, do this for yourself too and believe you are someone else while you build your own confidence
  • Don’t answer straight away, take a moment to listen to what is being asked of you, and filter out what is beneficial for you or solely for the other person
  • Praise yourself and acknowledge when you have said ‘no’
  • Learn and understand what your boundaries are and when you need to say no
  • Be selfish, learn saying no is okay and it is okay to think about yourself
  • Ask the person back the question, see what happens if you ask them to do it and how this then sits with you
  • Value yourself
  • Do not explain why you are saying no, just keep it simple
  • When able to, say, I will think about it and get back to you, we do not always have to answer straight away, then you can go away and see if it is something that you need to do or not
  • Be true to yourself
  • Spending time with yourself can also help as it can help you build your resilience

One thing that the last six months have shown me, we do not always need to be available for everyone. We also are not needed as much as we sometimes think we are by others (I mean this in a good way). People become reliant on each other when this reliance is allowed to be there, take it away and both will learn to cope in different ways without it. Being able to say no is a learning process, there will be good days and bad days, do not let the bad days hold you back. Give these tips a go and add some of your own and see what difference saying ‘no’ can have on your life. 😊

Uncategorized

Are value courses the way to go?

Over the summer, after I had finished my Certificate in Professional Coaching and a Certificate in Career Coaching, I had the urge, time, and want to continue growing my knowledge. I am not very good at having to read for long periods of time, especially from a computer, but online was the only real option and I had already forked out a lot of money for my other courses. I did not want to spend any more money for the moment anyway.

Years ago, I would get courses in different places like Groupon and other platforms like this. I had looked through them and nothing really interested me at that point anyway, so I decided to look further afield. I had heard about Teachable and Udemy; I am sure there is a lot more, but I am going to base my findings on the ones I have mentioned. Also, to point out, I am not affiliated with these sites and do not receive money from them if you do any of their courses unless it is a course directly linked to me.

You can get certificates from these courses, but they are not certificates from a registered university. For example, if you did one of these online courses on Psychotherapy and received a certificate, you cannot register and practice as a psychotherapist. It will give you the knowledge and an understanding of psychotherapy but not the accredited certification that you would need to be a licensed professional. That being said, it may add to your continued personal development for work and add some new tools to your box.

This is where I feel these kind of courses are really useful and beneficial. Nowadays, more and more people are deciding to change their careers at some point and opting for something very different from what they had originally qualified in. Returning to university can be extremely costly and taxing on your health and well-being, whether you decide to go back full time or part-time, continue to work or give up work completely. It is not easy to return to university or studying. For this reason, you need to be sure that it is the right thing for you. By taking some short and inexpensive, sometimes even free, courses you get to have a better idea of what types of topics you may learn and if it is the right course for you.

If it has been any length of time since you have been studying or partaking in any form of learning, online courses can be a way to help you get back into learning. It may even help to find your new way of learning, as for many reasons you will not be in the same position or circumstances and so will not study and learn the same way.

Some other reasons why doing a short online course can be useful are:

  • You will get a range of different types of courses. So, if you want to learn a new craft or want a better understanding of how to do an Excel sheet, amongst many other things, these types of courses are really beneficial.
  • The courses are readily available. Once you purchase them, you have unlimited access to them whenever you can fit it in.
  • There are different levels that you can learn from. So, if you are brand new to an area of learning, you can start with beginner and work your way up.
  • Udemy also offers a money-back guarantee if you are not happy with the course and no sign-up fee
  • Some say the quality of courses is better on sites where you pay to sign up fees, but it all depends on what you want to get out of such courses
  • Most courses do not require much or any prior learning and will state what you need to know before taking the course and what you will gain from it.
  • Courses are broken down into sections so you can do them at your own pace.
  • They are relatively short and should not take forever to finish them.
  • You can connect with the tutor and ask them questions you may be unsure of.
  • If it is a paid course, you get a certificate of completion.
  • Doing such courses can give you an added edge if and when you do apply to a university or even a job, showing that you like to upskill and want to continue to learn and grow.

Of course, there are negatives also, they only give a general idea of your topic of choice, sometimes too many courses to choose from can be more overwhelming than anything else amongst other things. But, if you are not doing all the normal things that you used to do, and have more time on your hands, what is stopping you. My thoughts are that yes value courses are the way to go and now is the perfect time to try something new, you may be surprised about what you can gain and anything gained is always positive to me. I wish you the best of luck if you do take on a value course, I do not think you will regret it.

Parenting

Coping with school and the changes

We are 4 weeks into Term 1 of the academic year 2020-2021 and we have had a year like no other. Overnight we have had to adjust and then readjust again everything that we do and Term 1 has brought about another level of readjustments. Looking back at March of this year, we did not expect to still be in the situation that we are in, but we have managed to grow with what has been happening, to our best abilities.

When we closed schools, we told young people that it was because of the virus and to keep us safe, we were all to stay at home. Now even with the cases higher again we have returned to school but with precautions in place. The KHDA, DHA, and MOE have all been looking closely at schools and how they are providing care and support for students to make schools as safe as they can be. We also know a lot more about the virus now as compared to before.

I do not know all the ins and outs of what happens and how; there are other people who work specifically in this area that would know better than me. This post is about what I do know and understand to my best abilities and how to support your own well-being and that of others around you, including your children, at this time.

Some of the precautions or procedures included all staff getting tested before students returned, different entry/exit gates and times for students to avoid congestion, temperature checks every morning, a specific isolation room with a nurse to support students who have a high temperature, grade bubbles, and seating charts so students are in less contact with others and so on. There is a lot more, but we will not get into them all today.

With these procedures, what also comes into play is if there is a student who has tested positive. The reason for smaller groups and bubbles is to limit students’ contact with others and to know quickly and easily which students have been in close contact with each other. It is a lot of planning and effort on the school’s part and very stressful for parents and students as well.

Parents must now leave their children at the gate where they must get temperature checked, wear a mask, keep their distance from others, and so on. Parents are missing out also on the social aspect of meeting with the teachers and other parents in the morning, even if it was a simple ‘Hello, how are you?’. It is challenging to not have this anymore. For parents who are at home, all of this can be more isolating and adding on extra stress if another student in the school or even your child’s class tests positive.

Most parents will forget or not even think about how they are feeling, focusing just on their child and how they are feeling and coping with everything.

Here are some tips on how to help support you and your child with the changing situation.

  • Talk to your child and let them open up and express their worries and concerns. You may be worried about them, while they are managing their feelings and emotions effectively
  • Focus time on your own mental health and wellbeing as a parent. Imagine yourself as a jug of water; if you keep giving everything you can and filling others cups you will eventually run out of water
  • This is also important as children can’t regulate their own feelings and emotions, so, are reliant on us to support them with this
  • If something is genuinely concerning you reach out to the school, be it the counsellor or a member of the senior leadership team. The problem with anxious feelings is that it builds things up in our heads and can make something seem worse than it is and there may be an explainable reason for whatever your concern is
  • Have a conversation with your children about why things are happening and how they can help themselves
  • Help them understand it is not always someone’s fault that they test positive. It can be for different reasons, but we can do our best to protect ourselves.
  • Talk about how this person who is sick might be feeling physically and emotionally, that they will need you to be kind to them now and when they return to school, and not exclude them. If they are back at school they are well enough to be there.
  • Eat healthy, not just your kids, but you too. Make sure you have enough food to sustain your body. It is coming into flu season and so our body needs everything it can get that is good.
  • Have an outside of school routine. This can include going for a walk on the beach after school, having ice cream on a Tuesday or whatever you see fit for your family, but make some time for fun quality time together
  • Stay connected with others. I attend supervision with other counsellors and the best thing I get from this is, not feeling like I am the only one going through situations.
  • However, saying that, WhatsApp groups are not always helpful. So, putting some on silent may be more beneficial
  • Do not get consumed by the news and don’t share more than your children need to know
  • Be understanding to the teachers and the school. No one really knows what might happen tomorrow or how we even got to where we are today; everyone is doing their best.
  • Get enough sleep, which is so important.
  • Talk to your children each day about something you are grateful for and ask them to share also
  • It is hard to see and believe it but this will not last forever, we need to support each other
  • Recognise when it is getting too much and you may need some extra help and support for you and/or your child
  • Reach out to the school counsellor if you have any questions or concerns. With the changes, they are not able to be as active around the school as normal and so need your help as well
  • Finally, keep doing your best.
General Well-being

Dealing with rejection – Do we all have past trauma?

So, what is rejection – it is basically pushing someone or something away. Studies have proved that rejection can have the same effect on you as physical pain does. I have spoken before about how our minds and body are wired together. But why does rejection have such a big impact on our physical body? I believe the reason it has such an impact is that we do not always deal with rejection adequately and understand the impact it is having on us; so we push it aside, rejecting our emotions and feelings of rejection.  

There are lots of different areas that rejection comes into play. For today, I am going to look at 4 areas career/work, social, self, and romantic.

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General Well-being, Mental Health

I fostered a dog, and it has made my year and it has been great for my mental health and well-being

Anyone that really knows me, knows how much I love pets. I do not intend on owning a cat as I do not like them being on my countertops, but I have nothing against them other than that. Growing up on a farm, I have always had animals around me. The last five years in the Middle East have been strange not having a pet but then I am always busy. I have thought about fostering a dog many times but always talked myself out of it. Even 6 weeks ago, until I saw a post for a rescue dog that had an injured leg and who was so scared of people around him. I knew I wanted to foster this dog and that I had, at the moment, the time that he needed.

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